| What's in a place? |
[Jul. 23rd, 2009|01:43 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
"I want to go out and live my life. I can't stay here."
Not my words, of course.I enjoy living in the Valley; its been my home for 24 years. Despite what people may believe, I would be totally content living elsewhere. A location is nothing more than a location. I have no regard for tall buildings, trendy like-minded people or golden bridges. A city doesn't make me any more or any less. I am my happy self wherever i go.
At this point in my life i can befriend anybody, no matter race, religion, political beliefs or even sexuality.
I'm not afraid of growing up, paying bills or being alone in a strange place. I am built to adapt in any situation or place. Throw me in there and i'll find my way. I promise.
I am currently trying to live my life as happy as can be.
Life is hard and people are dying around me.
I close my eyes, say a prayer and thank my maker.
I am thankful for my sick father who has defied all medical odds and walks among us. His one wish is that i get married soon and have children that he can hold and play with.
His older brother is about to die, losing his battle with cancer. I don't know how long my father has left on this earth either.
My mother just lost her mother in early July. It has taken a tremendous toll on her; I hear her crying every night.
My parents are old and fragile and very faithful to the Lord.
I wonder what they would think of my drinking ways, my doubtful mind, my tattooed body and my sex life?
I know they would still love me and my girlfriend. But i do know that they would pose a problem and impose that she and I seek God in all we do. That is a road i'm not ready to drive through yet.
My parents have given me so much and even though i have three siblings, I wouldn't feel comfortable going so far away from my parents. Because i feel that they may need me to be close one day. I would never forgive myself for being a thousand miles away if something bad happened.
For now I remain in the Valley content with the world despite its harsh ways. I want to travel and see it one day. Maybe someday soon, it's all about the money anyway.
If i could i would move out of the states and travel and see the world.
My not so distant future lies somewhere in Austin San Antonio or maybe the Valley.
If she chooses to hold this against me, then i don't know what to say other than i'm sorry that i'm a good person trying to do good things. Isn't that what we all should strive to do?
I guess you could say that i am sacrificing my life for others, but my life is my life no matter where i am. I guess that's what i wan to get across. |
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| Comments: |
wow. i will be praying for you. i hadn't logged in here for sooooo long, and decided to see what ppl were up to. i'm sure your parents are content though that you are at home, and are there for them, that's important. your father sounds like a strong man, and by what you told me, he is a man who walks in the Lord's ways. that is awesome. i hope all goes well, but just keep in mind it all happens for a reason and God has a plan for us, if we trust in Him. believe me, it is easier said than done, but He knows why things happen to us, even if we may not understand sometimes. i'm here for ya if you ever need to talk... take care. :) | |
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